Ever wondered how to find the spouse of your dreams? Maybe you thought going to college was the best way, or church, or even moving to a bigger city. But—according to the Bible—how did people back then find wives for their men? An interesting question to be sure.
I’ve recently blogged about gossip, pastors drinking alcohol, sexual relations, music in church, and “gray areas” such as dancing. But where in the Bible does it say how a guy is supposed to find himself a wife?
Need a good laugh? Below are 16 ways to finding yourself a good woman. You’ll love these!
The Biblical Way To Get A Spouse?
As a pastor, over the years I had my fair share of people approach me to find out if we were a “courtship” church or a “dating” church. The people invariably would tell me that their approach was “the biblical way.” I eventually become leery of such claims given that the Bible does not say much about how to find a wife, or does it? Perhaps you’ve seen this list floating around the world-wide-web, but it’s worth reviewing because it makes a very important point.
So here it is, 16 ways to find a wife according to the Bible:
1) Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she’s yours. (Deut. 21:11-13)
2) “Lay hold on” a virgin who is not betrothed to another man, and “know” her, but afterwards pay her father a sum of money. Then she’s yours. (Deut. 22:28-29)
3) Find a prostitute and marry her. (Hosea 1:1-3)
4) Find a man with seven daughters, and impress him by watering his flock.–Moses (Ex. 2:16-21)
5) Purchase a piece of property, and get a woman as part of the deal.–Boaz (Ruth 4:5-10)
6) Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife.–Benjaminites (Judges 21:19-25)
7) Have God create a wife for you while you sleep. Note: this will cost you a rib.–Adam (Gen. 2:19-24)
8) Agree to work seven years in exchange for a woman’s hand in marriage. Get tricked into marrying the wrong woman. Then work another seven years for the woman you wanted to marry in the first place. That’s right. Fourteen years of toil for a wife.–Jacob (Gen. 29:15-30)
9) Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law’s enemies and get his daughter for a wife.–David (1 Sam. 18:27)
10) Even if no one is out there, just wander around a bit and you’ll definitely find someone.–Cain (Gen. 4:16-17)
11) Become the emperor of a huge nation and hold a beauty contest.–Xerxes or Ahasuerus (Esther 2:3-4)
12) When you see someone you like, go home and tell your parents, “I have seen a woman; now get her for me.” If your parents question your decision, simply say, “Get her for me. She’s the one for me.”–Samson (Judges 14:1-3)
13) Kill any husband and take HIS wife. (Prepare to lose four sons though.)–David (2 Sam. 11)
14) Wait for your brother to die. Take his widow. (It’s not just a good idea, it’s the law!)–Onan and Boaz (Deut. or Lev., example in Ruth)
15) Don’t be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity.–Solomon (1 Kings 11:1-3)
16) A wife?–Paul (1st Corinthians, chapter 7)
QUESTION: Which one was the funniest to you? Tell us in the comment section below how you “found” your spouse? Was it love at first sight? Did you have to kill any Philistines to win her/him?
* Image credit: Paul Snyder (Creation Swap)